Japanese grammar question of the day

I'm gearing up to do more scholarly writing today, which of course means that I start out procrastinating over my first cup of coffee.

I have a random question for my Japanese sensei(s) (knowledge of One Piece is optional - grammar is the main thing here).

( Cut to spare people's eyes from scary long sentence structure )

Any help with this grammatical puzzle is welcome! And now it's time to get some real work done.